And finally......tHe BrEaKiNg dAwN...

The story continues...the gal catches on with her life..and slowly but surely the dawn breaks..this is the story of how the dawn finally broke and what it felt to finally have the splash of blinding sunlight.......

After days of absolute darkness, the dawn finally breaks..and with it brings the first ray of sunshine I had witnessed in eons..with it spreads the warmth in my body, my body which was traumatized so much in the recent times that i carried with myself a constant feeling of dread and chill..finally the warmth was here...

I knew the rays were peeping in when my listless thoughts started getting more defined,when my meaningless drools started taking shape,when happinnes actually seeped in when i laughed,when it finally thrilled me to play,when i swayed with renewed vigour,not to forget my demons but just to feel the pulse of my life...and when i finally couldnt recognise him in the crowd anymore...

Yeah..when finally his face was not my sun,centre of my universe...when finally he was just another face in the crowd,when finally i noticed other faces and finally they meant more....

story of my life
searching for a right
but it keeps avoidin me
sorrow in my soul
cause it seems that wrong
really loves my company......

The lines that were so true about my life till recently dont seem so right anymore..

Cause am still searching for a right but i dont find it avoiding me..i feel as if the dawn is finally guiding me..sorrow in my soul healed a long time ago to be replaced with contempt....and well even if wrong loves my company i know how to avoid..

And so here i finally am..at a point in my life, which means a lot now but might not even be worth it in the future...but still feeling good about scaling the distance i had i created with myself...finally getting back in touch with myself..

And the dawn finally broke and the sun in my life rose the day when I looked at him and felt.......nothing.Absolutely nothing,No feeling of contempt passed over me, no self loathing, no disgust and no discontent....I was at peace with everything..atlast...

SO here i am, bang on the track..and fellas..life was never so good..

And....my hope survived, my hope remains, my hope prevails.......

mUsInGs oF a bLeEdInG hEaRt..........

The story of a heart that just doesnt know where to stop,how to say NO..not to others but to itself....the story of a gal with a heart like this...a story post break up...a story pre-breaking dawn..

I know I'm not completely over him. He still crosses my mind several times a day, but with each one of those times, a feeling of contempt also passes through my heart. Maybe if this happens enough, my heart will become completely harden, and I'll get to the point where he doesn't affect me anymore.....

is that even possible..musings of my mind continue to enthrall me but with no definite conclusions..the trouble is thats all they ever are, musings...Nothing concrete, nothing decisive ..all that am ever able to do is speculate..The only decisive thing in this forlorn existence is my fascination with him, the one thing i can never have..

but, this small game "catch the prey" game between us is taking a new turn..like an obsessive hunter, am just not able to letting him go and escape unscathed..the game has been on long enuf for my prey to now stumble..i know am not trying hard enough in this game of chasing but yet i underestimated..not him but myself..even though am not trying, his hold on me and my fixation on him is stronger than ever..all i need to do is just close my eyes, and i can visualize how utterly devastating his smile actually is, alluring his eyes are and how totally submissive i am to the whims of my heart..chaining my heart doesnt work as i end up bleeding but freed..freed from my minds hold over my heart..freed for my hearts hold over him..am freed in a way i possibly shoudnt be...

Even as the contempt washes over me, my heart flutters and unfurls, leaving me feeling alive for the time being...alive till the feeling of shame and self loathing passes over me..shame for my utter lack of self control and loathing because of my fixation...

And yet, i now continue this game within me,between my mind and my heart..waiting to see who wins..hoping to come out unscathed when am already bruised..hoping am all in one piece when my mind is over matter..

hoping that hope remains...

CRAZYism?!?! :) :) }:-) :) :)

Well my dear friends and concerned ppl around me..in case you are wondering if this is the new '-ism' in the very long line of '-ism's  trying to pull me into its team, you clearly are right.. SadISM , nepotISM, favoritISM, terrorISM..yeah all the '-ism's that missed me by..but crazyISM being the latest in line??nope..crazyism is such a cliched concept by now that being crazy is the new normal!!

Well ya,when people think its normal to report something which resembled ragging and actually playing around with budding pillars of our nation, i think its plain crazy..and when people think its crazy to sit late into the night, burning midnight oil...not to study but to chat away the night or surfing through the net, i think its pretty normal..just not me, but many do think that way..so now you know what i mean when i say that crazy is the new normal..while normal is the new crazy!!!

Yeah, this week has been crazy..with students being rusticated and then all that negative publicity our college has had in the newspapers and a whole week of classes,no bunks and four labs in five days..and 2 days of evening cat preparation classes..and ya,trying to fit in playing badminton somewhere in between and resolving to study late into night but ending up chatting daily late into night..ufff..quite a week huh? You bet so..And ya,totally forgot the pending birthday treats in the evening..so the related getting ready stuff,deciding clothes and then finally the evening full of good food,music and constant flow of gossip..;) ;)crazy??yeah you bet!!

In order to refraining from taking names, i would just say here that a certain HOD of a certain DEPT slapped a CR..how mean is that?Slapping a 19 something guy in front of whole class?well the hod shouldve done some introspection as to what he was trying to say was really understandable or not..Our teachers do have some giant sized ego when it comes to their knowledge..wonder y?? Another thing that might be normal in the teaching fraternity, which i happen to consider plainly crazy..

And now what i really consider plain crazy..is actually me opening the books after all the chatting and stuff, when am feeling really sleepy eyed in hopes of understanding the stuff and getting a decent pointer this time(again crazy,i know..)..and well the subject,even if am trying desperately, acts like a lullaby and soon am sleeping soundly..yeah,i know..totally crazy..

And what else is normal??Me sitting here and writing this post just a few ticking minutes prior to me going out to give a mock cat test..:) :)


Well people..this is me,being completely normal and doing some crazy stuff..hoping for the crazyISM to continue for many more days to come!!

Michelle obama.........

well,came across this article on some news website..thought it was really well worded so sharing with all of you!!

The monkey image of the first lady Michelle Obama, which was pasted on the web, has become puzzling issue full of ambiguity: “whether or not the image should be removed by Google from its search engine”. Clearly, it is a “freedom Vs morality” controversy that is rippling on the web. The advocates of “freedom of speech” are of the firm view that the act is no doubt beyond the ethical limits but the freedom of speech has its own value and such freedom should not be snatched away in an arbitrary manner. On the other hand, the proponents of morality argue that “freedom of speech” is much a humane value but it should have certain limits to operate. Both arguments carry enormous weight and the unbiased reader is in a state of confusion what should have been done to the picture which is hurting many sensitive and anti-racism factions. Most white people argue that when whites are depicted as monkeys (like the photo of G.W.Bush), no white raised the issue of morality and when a black woman is labeled as a monkey, every one has become furious.

Now,let us analyse the logic behind the freedom of speech concept..purpose of freedom of speech is to give equal opportunity to express viewpoint to some one who is oppressed and at a position of disadvantage. With the passage of time freedom of speech assumed a different form leading even to hurt others. The degradation of a “proud & rich white” can not be equated with the humiliation of “humble & poor black” under the cloak of “freedom of expression”. Freedom of speech is a gift to a disadvantaged rather than a tool of the powerful to exhaust his utter prejudice...  

                       

When something goes wrong...

Nope, no divine interventions to show the way...when something goes wrong,its steep ride all the way downhill..and I experienced exactly that today..already in a very good mood as the bunks again got cancelled..atleast ours,which was pretty much expected..but still this time in holzz i was not at ma place for more than a few measly dayz so i was already feeling grizzly about returning to this god forsaken place so early and roaming around in the hostel like zombies when others are gonna enjoy their extended vacations...

Ya,had a pretty prejudiced mindset,i know,but been there..done that..thats our situation..
hmm..so i packed up ma stuff and left home with a heavy heart..caught the bus and guess what?the bus is totally crowded..first turn off...somehow got place to sit down and i got here to surat..took almost the same amount of time to get back from the station to hostel..

And whats the sight that greets me when i get back to hostel finally??the constructor workers have made themselves fully at home in their ramshackle huts,complete with firewood and sizzling smells and sounds of cooking....looks a village has come into existence just outside ma hostel..and the path of entrance..quite a different story again...

The ppl building this other new MEGA hostel thought that the time was ripe To do some electrical installations..so what do they do??dig up giant size holes the way they've been doing all over the college recently right in front of our hostel,leaving a narrow, rocky path for us to trudge upon to finally reach the abode..and once inside,the signs of inhabitation,or the lack of it,is pretty much clearly visible on every nook and cranny..a cm high layer of dust was coated on everything left unused...

AND why oh why did our rooms have to have marble flooring???
Imagine the state it was in...nothing compared to our tables,which were also by the way caked with dust...
the attached bathrooms,again in marble..and ya,todayz sunday,which means no maid comes in today....cool!!and am yet to check out the dratted,AGAIN marbled,balcony...its already giving me shudders...

And after cleaning up most of that mess,atleast just the tables part, unpacking and everything done,we went down to mess to fill up our grumbling stomachs..no explanations needed i guess about how much filling the mess food actually was...their way of saying and reminding us..WELCOME back to hostel!!

oh ya..and the icing on the cake??am told that the electrical wiring, which is being currently done for the new menace of a hostel, requires closing of all the electrical wires being linked to it..which means the street lamps,which light our way in the darkness while passing through this new basti sprawling outside the hostels, are turned off...poof..and thats how we had to go out..negotiating the damned route with the help pf a mobile phone light...

SO no street lights on the street leading upto the gals hostel...WOW!!!

And that just about sums up my first day back at hostel...

:(
  :(
    :(
      :(

Whats in the name??

hmmm...this new decade has a now boiling controversy as its curtain raiser..though this ones been brewing for a some days now,Mr Chetan bhagat(CB) finally aired his opinions about it..He says he felt strange..am sure most of the ppl by now know the controversy am talking about..If not,well fellas,its the one about The makers of "3 IDIOTS"(which btw is an awesome movie!!),denied that the movie was based on the book..The book in question being 5 point someone,whose author is Mr CB..

To know more about it plz go through the following link in which my dear friend has very eloquently expressed the issue and opinions..Needless to say,my opinions on the matter are the same..

http://roshni-perceptions.blogspot.com/2009/12/this-aint-ryt.html

Ok..now that we have the background on it,lets dig in..

Well Mr CB says he has kept silent on the issue for past two years(source:his blog) but now he felt he should say something on the matter..He went to say that anyone who has read his book knows that the movie is based on it and those who haven't,just read the book,watch the movie and go figure!!

Hmm..he denies airing his opinions for fame,of which he has been accused..just says that he is right..for all the fair words,check out the source..

http://www.chetanbhagat.com/blog/

So now whats happening??

3 IDIOTS is still breaking all the records at box office and miraculously the sales of 5 point someone has suddenly picked up outta no where..Anyone has any idea how thats happening??

nope

Nada

well,heres a theory,am sure one amongst many..

Coz of the recent hue and cry raised by many on the subject,be it the fans or the actors or the author..the things that registered on most of the inquisitive minds are 3 IDIOTS and 5 POINT SOMEONE...so ppl are picking their choice..and as suggested by CB,ppl are trying to draw in their own conclusions..and thus the rise in sales of both the book and the movie..

As far as the publicity stunts go,this seems to be the best..everyone tries to portray themselves as the injured party,they get their 2 mins of telly fame,and the names of the book and the movie are there everywhere..not to mention the TRPs of the concerned news channels..everyone is happy..(even if its not obvious!!)...BINGO!!

And amongst all the hullabaloo who's actually the injured party??

The viewers watch the news,they are buying the book and they are shelling 35% more bucks to watch the movie...

GO FIGURE!!!

"Brothers Under The Sun"

lyrics from bryan adams song..

I had a dream - of the wide open prairie
I had a dream - of the pale morning sky
I had a dream - that we flew on golden wings
And we were the same - just the same - you and I
Follow your heart - little child of the west wind
Follow the voice - that's calling you home
Follow your dreams - but always, remember me
I am your brother - under the sun

We are like birds of a feather
We are two hearts joined together
We will be forever as one
My brother under the sun

Wherever you hear - the wind in the canyon
Wherever you see - the buffalo run
Wherever you go - I'll be there beside you
Cos you are my brother - my brother under the sun

hmmmmm.....FAITH..

Faith is the only thing i have to struggle to retain during the aftermath of the battle called end sems...sorry fellas for writing after such a gap...had the xamz to prepare for..turns out the preparation was anyways pointless..I don't know what all i will gain when i pass out from this college..the only thing am sure about is knowing how to screw up papers..that too with pretty good preparation...yes..totally frustated and dejected and stunned and......running outta adjectives!!!only one paper was interesting but xamz n marks point of view,it sucked..big tym....its ot last hope but lost hope..and smoldering remains of the hope..all i need is a bit of faith and tonnes of masti...sorry for the frustu post..al hav ma dose of fun and get back to my bubbly self..ASAP..
till den...
adios!!

On the brink of the cliff....

The fall is inevitable, it will come and I know when. I am tethering on this edge, knowing that behind me, I leave things adventurous and interesting but ahead of me, are the things still unexplored and untested. In front of me, there lies an abyss of the unknown and am standing on the edge of the known.

I know the fall is not going to change me…

But I feel, that somehow the world around me expects me to be beaten into shape by this fall.

Yes, after falling off this cliff, am going to miss the ledge am standing on right now.Am going to miss being a teenager and am going to miss passing off all my mischief as "teenage rebel". Am going to miss the label of "teen".Am not going to change overnight on my birthday, am still going to be a child at my heart, a born rebel!!

But now, my fond rebels with a cause are going to be labelled as my irresponsible actions...I will have to pick up the reins of my life. And as per the jargon, now is not the time for a laid back attitude in life. Now,is not the place to run from the blades of time swishing every so often. Rather,it is the place to embrace the wounds inflicted, either appreciate them or endure them, time is ripe to choose our way..

But then how can our pampered souls suddenly switch to the responsible mode overnight?

Maturity is a term that still sounds greek and latin and prone to speculation...And that is how am supposed to be from tomorrow.

How can anyone expect to drink wine which has just been brewed? We let it brew for time,mature it,let it age gracefully and then put our best foot forward to taste the choicest selections...

So in a few minutes, am going to brace myself for the fall..am going fall of the brink and shed off the label..so does that mean i will be no more a rebel?

You gotta be kidding!!!

;-)

:-P

B-)

SHE....The Prairie Angel,reaching out..

She walks gracefully,silently drifting through the clouds of darkness surrounding her.She was yet to reach her goal, her destination.And the recent shroud of darkness, which was so unnerving in the beginning, she actually welcomed now.She was an anonymity here,blending right in..No one had the time to point fingers at her,no more whispers accompanying her,plaguing her path.No unhappiness to haunt her throughout her life,no failures to taunt her along the way....She was here, atlast where a bold change was accepted and not blanched upon..where there were others like her..clamouring and asking for more change..where she could be the change..


She remembered that eons ago,she wielded the power without question,the power for which she was fighting now,the power to go ahead and do what she ached to,to stand by justice,the power just to speak out...but that claim,that freedom and that sheer feel of power was lost somewhere in the mists of the time....

Somewhere along her path,her swirling skirts were restricted, her face shadowed by the veil forced on her,her voice not above a whisper and her place in the house...barefoot and in the kitchen....at an age when she ached to go out and play..to gallop freely over the moors..to swim and to shine..all dreams shattered...no questions asked and certainly none answered..And all this if she were blessed enough not to die...

Of course she wanted to fight back,to get back what she wanted,to do what was prohibited...she didn't just because she did not know she could..When some fought back and took the lead she followed..She talked,she cajoled,she begged,she cried and then she fought..fought for the right that was all along hers too..the right to be able to understand those illegible scrawls,the right to run across the wide open prairie,the right to fly those metallic birds she had seen in the sky..and for the right to quench her thirst for the knowledge...

Fighting her way,walking,running,stumbling and sometimes crawling..she got through the tunnel of darkness..to this place,which was also dark,but with the shrouds already lifting..the prospect of her regaining her power seems plausible now....actually pretty much probable

so thats how she got here....still walking swiftly but silently, her thirst quenched..but just for the time being..but her way ahead is now illuminated brightly by the beacon of her determination and by the sheer force of her will..She knows its a long winding path in the desert..but when the oasises are so frquent now...she knows just to plough on her path...

MY DADDY STRONGEST!!! :-) ;-) B-) :-P

Remember the little gal in the sunflower, suffola oil ad?
Well at some point in my blissful childhood, i was also like that.I was as they say, Daddy's gal..."Papa ki pari"!!I was my dad's beta..He was the hero of my life..whenever there was something i needed,i wanted to know,it always used to be papa who solved it for me..According to me,there was nothing in the whole wide world that my dad didnt know..For maths,yes we, me and my little sis, turned to mom, but for rest dad was our pillar of knowledge...
As i was passing through various phases of my notorious and for a large part, joyful childhood, some where along the line, my priorities started shifting..It was still my dad only for playing badminton,but internet soon started replacing the knowledge pool,mobiles for sharing gossip and info....friends took more of my time..After hours of studies,i came home late,my dad was always there to talk about it, but i didnt have time....
For my birthday, papa always got me what i wanted, but i preferred celebrating with my hordes of friends..dad never complained..looking back,now i wonder why?
Time simply flew by and it was time for me to shift to hostel..dad was worried and i was excited about undertaking yet another adventure..He left me at the hostel,with a frown on his face at how miserable my living quarters looked..but i waved at him happily, quite at peace with my surroundings..but soon reality settled in..soon i knew how important dads patient hearing was..soon i missed my parents, my papa at my birthdays..soon..everything happened soon..but not too soon..
i flocked home on every occasion.ma's bday, da's bday, my sis's bday..every occasion with presents hoping that i could somehow explain how much i missed them...
This time, on pa's bday, me,my ma n ma sis hatched a conspiracy..it was the last day of autumn fest and i was actually too busy, being in 3 committies..
everytime dad called,i wished him and i was like,pa..am really busy now..all call you later..pakka..
After wrapping up the event, i picked ma bag and hopped on to a bus to take me to my home sweet home..
No one told my dad that i was coming and he went on with his work..i came home and me and my sis crept in stealthily..there was my dad sitting on the sofa, engrossed in his new LCD tv, oblivious to ma presence..He looked up and i was like,"hi pa!!"..
The look on his face then was something i would treasure through out my life..all 3 of were laughing at his flabbergasted expression and when we were finally done with it,i presented him with my gift,"Happy bday dad.."..n he was like,"You came,that is the biggest gift i could get.."
I never could tell him that sorry pa, i drifted away in the past..
sorry papa,i spend a lot..i always think that this is the last time..ive lost the count of my number of last times..
sorry pa for never telling ya how much you all mean to me..
sorry pa for not being there where you wanted me to be..sorry pa for everything that i did wrong, but am happy pa that inspite of all that, you are still there for me..still ma best friend..
HAPPY BIRTHDAY PA!!!!

Ummmm...what an aroma!!

Cooking is my hobby and feeding others( generally ma family) is my passion.Though i love cooking contemporary dishes, i believe that somehow i can come up with so better recipes than those designed by the famous but apparently not so good(ya!!i know, but then that IS me..:-)..)5 star chefs..outrageous yeah, but then thats me!!
So i always go through some recipes, have some cookbooks in ma hand and then i use my brain and then go about with mix 'n match and come with some stuff which is really tasty,awesome but not the stuff i set out to make..hmm..confusing??ya, my mom definitely thinks so..i believe that i should write my own cookbook with my own ingenious recipes, but my mom kinda believes that i should learn the basic rules first and then stick to it..i really don't know why :-( I mean, the stuff i cook up is really tasty, well presented and finger licking good, so who cares about rules when the end result is all that matters?ya, sometimes i do mix stuff that don't mix, but then am an strong advocate for the theory that,"People learn from their mistakes"!!B-)

So, as i was saying, am a fan of contemporary food stuff.Ya, i can cook up a simple,normal(whats that??) meal for anyone any day but traditional was something i was yet to experiment with in depth.This diwali, fates played in my favour and put the ball in my court.Somehow it so happened that i was the in charge for the festive season food in my house for that particular time zone..Dawn broke on that auspicious day, and I, who never woke up soo early in a vacation, was shook awake. I was solemnly reminded of my duties as the chef de cuisine and i grudgingly took up the baton.So while my father went about the routine of pooja, i went about preparing the goodies to impress the "almighty" accompanied by constant instructions from my mom. Some southindian kinda brinjal curry,tomato dal, chutney and kheer...n ya..rice..somehow i always messed up that one simple thing..either too runny or too thick..but that day,i guess god was in a mood for good food..Rice turned out to be just perfect!!

So my session with the sniff from the south turned out to be awesome..everyone thought it was yummy..i obviously thought so too..but then it came with some really valuable lessons..First that mix n' match doesn't work everywhere..somethings are just meant to have some kinda spices..n its not named kheer since soo long for nothing..its a sweet dish in which all dry fruits wouldn't go..sweet dish,ya i know, but i wanted to dump in all the dry fruits mom had in store :-)
My mom very fondly likes to say that mix 'n match works for all those stuff who really don't have any name and are meant to be convenient dishes..Like sandwiches are like "THE GOD" of mix 'n match..So i finally learned to stick to the rules..but i still have that roguish and risque attitude in me..i never really could give up mix 'n match..coz the dinner next day was something like a bread pizza with so many boiled veggies, a bit 'o spice and all the spreadings i had with me..
The verdict?

They loved it and am not gonna change!!

Lyrics that touched ma hrt..britney spears..

I'm Not A Girl, Not Yet A Woman

I used to think
I had the answers to everything
but now i know
That life doesn't always go my way
Feels like i'm caught in the middle
That's when i realize

I'm not a girl
Not yet a woman
All i need is time
A moment that is mine
While i'm in between
I'm not a girl

There is no need to protect me
It's time that i
Learned to face up to this on my own
I've seen so much more than you know now
So don't tell me to shut my eyes

I'm not a girl
Not yet a woman
All i need is time
A moment that is mine
While i'm in between
I'm not a girl

But if you look at me closely
You will see it in my eyes
This girl will always find her way

I'm not a girl
I'm not a girl don't tell me what to believe
Not yet a woman
I'm just tryin' to find the woman in me, ya
All i need is time
all i need is time...
A moment that is mine
While i'm in between
I'm not a girl
Not yet a woman
Not now
All i need is time
A moment that is mine
While i'm in between

I'm not a girl
not yet a woman

Here it is..atlast or alas??

hmm..so my days of shameless leisure are about to come to an end..todays ma last day before the hectic college schedule encapsulates me..ya tomorrow its gonna be packing around and last minute shopping so today is my last day of tranquility before the frenzy of the college and autumn fest embarks..still i cant in all honesty say that am not happy to be going back to ma college..ya,home was heaven,loved everything here..but still that 'on your feet' college life beckons me..i miss my friends,the outings to nescafe,the stolen moments in between lecs of having tea at canteen...all the mischeif and midnight maggi parties..ya,i can make maggi here at home too..but if i wanna be alive then it better be at some decent timing like 6 in the evening(ya,i no..but mom rules!!)
and eating maybe just two spoons but sharing it with all those hordes of ppl actually makes it a whole lot more tastier..so i guess thats one thing which makes me say..atlast!!hols over!!..
but then when i do sit down to think that i will have to eat the gooey inedible stuff our mess will soon start to dish out..then am forced to say..alas!!hols over!!
so its like selecting between the sun or the rainbow??
or maybe like tea or coffee??(coffee wins,no dbt,but i kinda like both f dem now!!)
Well ya,am experiencing a tumult of emotions..a variety of mixed ones..but end of the story??
here it is..the end of hols...

"Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars."

~~Les Brown

Just me..nothing new,nothing special...

Dear Linda,
It took me long to come up with a suitable name for you..
How does one go about naming a dairy??
And look what i came up with!!ya,a westernized name i know,but i've been itching to ape them since a long while and anyway i was reading this book where the central character was Linda.
I liked the character,though can't say the same for the book and so i stuck to the name.
So here i was,beneath the smoky sky,just before the breaking dawn,searching for some stars.Stars that supposedly rule our lives,our luck,our future.If that's true then am stuck with a system gone totally haywire with no ruler to its name.My gaze went around n around but i could find no star..No sign that i would be soon out of this nothingness, none at all..
The cycle continues and am here waiting....
There is a frenzy of activity everywhere.People running around, jostling each other, eating sweets,wishing each other and then a boom every so often.Ya, today is diwali.Am also sitting and chatting and trying very hard to be an extrovert. Am also running and wishing everyone,and perhaps leading everyone in those riveting booms and dazzling lights.Am also smiling and laughing so hard that its infectious. I really don't know why then my smile feels pasted to me.Why everything seems to be a burden...
Everything i cared about in my life was coming apart,Everything i believed in was proving to be moot..i was having a constant fall out with my friends,who were bewildered as to what was happening to me.I went through all the daily routines, but without any real interest in anything.My parents are my beacon of light,when i am swimming in this ocean of distress.And when i do drag myself out of the wet,gloomy ocean i find myself on the island of despair..
But what can even they do??They don't even know that am burning,that somethings eating me alive..not even a hint of it..
And yet am waiting, for some sign,that all is not lost yet..That there is hope,somewhere,perhaps its hiding from me.But its elusive presence in the vicinity would itself be soothing enough..
but am finding not even a delicious wiff of it now..when i need it most..
I want,no i demand my peace of mind.I was happy being sane..This insanity of doing the right thing is killing me..
Am i the only one whose dragging their bundle of problems behind me?am i the only one allowing the weight of my burdens to drag me down?
Yes,i suppose..
I see so many others actually playing along with their burdens and floating in this ocean carelessly,joyfully..
Why am i looking at my troubles through a magnifying glass??
but they don't seem small to me..nor do they seem magnified..i feel as if they are eating me alive..
am trying hard to keep up..am trying to fake it till i make it.But am horribly aware that my face is just a mask of radiant happiness right now,its beauty just skin deep..I want to laugh from my heart,but everytime i try to,i feel like sobbing my heart out..why is it like that?why am i the only one bound by the shackles of my own helplessness??
why is it just me??
i want to come out of this,i want to climb out of this ravine of helplessness but i need a ladder of hope and the shine of a sign for it..hope so that the urge remains strong and sign so that it leads me in the right direction..
am waiting..
and that is all that i can do now...wait..
i hope not till the eternity..
bye for now..
al tell you when my wait's over,
love you,
Lhs..




PS-nope its not me..:-)

There are some that only employ words for the purpose of disguising their thoughts.
- Voltaire

Rediscovering the 'ZERO'!!

hmmm....testing my GK, I think it was our very own Mr.Ramanujam,who had the honor of inventing the ‘ZERO’. And soo many years after that groundbreaking conception of the oval, am rediscovering it..N ya sometimes sucking at it and at others, loving it..

For instance, now with diwali in clear view, I thought lets go and give ma Dads money a run for it..well, the malls were way ahead of me..they had already drawn the game plan for giving everyone a run for their money. Every item had a tag with so many trailing ‘ZEROES’ that even ‘I’ couldn’t indulge myself. That’s one very obvious place where I had rediscovered the huge oval!!

Going chronologically backwards, then there was this time when we had examz…everything was ‘THE’ rediscovery where the mighty were concerned..The syllabus had our brain jumbled up with nothing but them. And then the preparation itself had us envisaging our marks as the huge old dreaded ovals and eggs. And when they did arrive they were just a bit more than our dear old friend.

And speaking of eggs ,every poached egg and an omelet(sunny side up, yummy!!) had me thinking of ‘ZEROES’ again. Don’t ask me why. Every Gulab-jamun, pani puri, rasgulla(yup, yummy again) had me thinking of….guess what..

Maybe cause every time I give in to these temptations in disguise, my calorie count is again packed with the trailing ‘ZEROES’!!

And when an utterly jobless hour stretches leisurely in front me, I pick up my remote and turn on the IDIOT BOX. And there goes again!!Totally deranged creatures(no offence meant folks!!)sashaying around, covered in suave and elegant scraps of clothes, scraps nonetheless, and flaunting their size 'ZERO'.

And being a comps engg(to be!!), looking at my lappy daily and knowing that its native language is again full of ‘ZEROES’ triggers the journey of my blissful rediscovery..Every electronics device reminds me of its digital lingo which is again full of my ol friend, this time, turning them ‘ON’ and ‘OFF’!!

Randomly speaking, everything in this world, at the break of the eternal dawn, comes down to ‘ZERO’. The universe started from a ‘ZERO’ and as they say in bible, will end on Armageddon, yet again at ‘ZERO’. Kalyug is up for a run these decades, and when its number is up, again back to my favorite ‘ZERO’. WTC fell, the rubble mass was ground ‘ZERO’!!

Zero Zero everywhere, not a spot to think and spare!!

And with all that binary programming last sem, I really miss my friend this time..;-)

And with MIT this sem dealing in hexadecimals, I guess its time to let go of ma rediscovery and practice safe hex…;-)

Lolzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!!

J

;-)

B-)

:-P

J

PS-Well ya, this is the outcome of an utterly jobless hour and an over imaginative workshop!!

:-P

Garnishing lyf's recipes...

GARNISHING....sounds yummy huh???yeah...opens the flood gates in our mouth...
So why does the word tickle our taste buds hmmm...
Garnishing, put in layman's words,means...To make the food look good..appetizing is the word..and now the question is why do we need the food to look good??
Well,personally speaking, i like it that way...N so do scores of others..we actually start anticipating the taste.Its not as if the food has gone bad or something,its not even as if it doesn't taste good..its just to make it better.Ya, we don't need the garnishing for survival, but we do appreciate its presence.. Easy on eyes,as they say...
And this funda of going easy on eyes seems to be applying everywhere.That's the reason why we suddenly have our world platform being dominated by anorexic women who call themselves 'size zero'..And that is the reason why people are getting more and more obsessed about their looks..Ya,cosmetic industry is flourishing but that is just one upside to it..And yeah,the audiences enjoy at their expense, so there goes another upside..Is anyone stopping to even think about the plight of those under the cameras and the aspiring wannabes?
Most of us dont...And in addition to it,most of us are actually joining the race of the wannabes..
First impression is the last impression...ya,i know that..but then shud it be the only impression??
Doesn't character matter anymore to anyone?No one has the time to taste the food anymore,they are just happy with the decorations..No time to stand and stare..(but perhaps in this case,time is just to stare and not to care...;-)...)
Some years back on a very popular channel there used to be a serial which was intially about how a girl with brains tries to stand out in industry on the basis of her knowlegde (jassi....)
The serial was interesting when they showed her struggles..We oohed and aahed..but we always knew how impractical and against the odds her success was..And towards the end,they finally had to show her transformation into the beauty queen then it was the same run of the mill story..And the morale of the story??...beauty reigns...
Low self esteem, self confidence everything coz people expect everyone to look good..it all comes in a full circle..trying to look good,liking others looking good and hence again trying to look good...
N so..We all shud've been professionally chefs...the way we are garnishing our lifes,hiding everything beneath it, woud've made a 5 star chef proud of us!!!
SO THREE CHEERS TO OURSELVES PPL!!!

TENSION??yeah,right!!

As the dragons loom ever larger upon us,i take out time outta my busy schedule(dont ask doing what!!) to ponder over how all of us(or rather most of us)changed over the past two years..

yup,am happy to say am going all besaharm with my studies...gone are the days when i used to start preparing a week ago(that,I thought was the worst i could go,but then,i like to surprise myself:-)..)

Here I am,in 3rd year doing comp engg,with just a day to go for ma internals, hitting all the keys on ma keyboard with a fury that would get anyone thinking that am long done with my syllabus..ahem ahem..i dont even know the exact contents of my syllabus ;-)

Well if any of my contemporaries are thinking what led to this outpoar,then fellas,am going through my borrowed copy of tannenbaum trying to get hang of CN and then skipping over to the cormen(which torments!!) to do AAD...That should make it clearer..

If i keep up my rate and modes of current prep then am so going to flunk my xamz that eyes are going to bulge..but i dont feel like budging from my stance about the preps...poor me and my conflicting interests..:-(

And to keep me going,am having this constant dosage of cool n WTF status msgs by my frns,which shows just how far gone they all are just before examzzz...(lucky to note that am not alone!!!)

I still say,when xamz poke their ugly head round the corner,or rather as in this case,breathe down our throats,we come out with stuff(or is it just me??)that dazzles,startles and freaks out the more normal mortals fighting for existence in our academic insti...

For all my wishfull thinking(of some calamity striking our clg,or papers leaking out or all the paper in the clg getting burned!!;-)),its just my subconcious mind trying to get free(ya,prtty heavy wrds for someone as far gone as me,i know!!)

I know that i will have to drag my a** , come tomorrow,to the dept to tackle and try to clear the hurdles and tortures being specially designed by our esteemed faculty..

So am having this feeling(divine intervention huh???!!!) that i should get myself into some semblance of presentable preparation before the countdown begins!!

Gawd!!help me!!

N ppl wish me luck...

N ya best of luck to rest of the world too (as if they need it!!;-)...)whose noses are already buried deep within the books..;-)