It took me long to come up with a suitable name for you..
How does one go about naming a dairy??
And look what i came up with!!ya,a westernized name i know,but i've been itching to ape them since a long while and anyway i was reading this book where the central character was Linda.
I liked the character,though can't say the same for the book and so i stuck to the name.
So here i was,beneath the smoky sky,just before the breaking dawn,searching for some stars.Stars that supposedly rule our lives,our luck,our future.If that's true then am stuck with a system gone totally haywire with no ruler to its name.My gaze went around n around but i could find no star..No sign that i would be soon out of this nothingness, none at all..
The cycle continues and am here waiting....
There is a frenzy of activity everywhere.People running around, jostling each other, eating sweets,wishing each other and then a boom every so often.Ya, today is diwali.Am also sitting and chatting and trying very hard to be an extrovert. Am also running and wishing everyone,and perhaps leading everyone in those riveting booms and dazzling lights.Am also smiling and laughing so hard that its infectious. I really don't know why then my smile feels pasted to me.Why everything seems to be a burden...
Everything i cared about in my life was coming apart,Everything i believed in was proving to be moot..i was having a constant fall out with my friends,who were bewildered as to what was happening to me.I went through all the daily routines, but without any real interest in anything.My parents are my beacon of light,when i am swimming in this ocean of distress.And when i do drag myself out of the wet,gloomy ocean i find myself on the island of despair..
But what can even they do??They don't even know that am burning,that somethings eating me alive..not even a hint of it..
And yet am waiting, for some sign,that all is not lost yet..That there is hope,somewhere,perhaps its hiding from me.But its elusive presence in the vicinity would itself be soothing enough..
but am finding not even a delicious wiff of it now..when i need it most..
I want,no i demand my peace of mind.I was happy being sane..This insanity of doing the right thing is killing me..
Am i the only one whose dragging their bundle of problems behind me?am i the only one allowing the weight of my burdens to drag me down?
Yes,i suppose..
I see so many others actually playing along with their burdens and floating in this ocean carelessly,joyfully..
Why am i looking at my troubles through a magnifying glass??
but they don't seem small to me..nor do they seem magnified..i feel as if they are eating me alive..
am trying hard to keep up..am trying to fake it till i make it.But am horribly aware that my face is just a mask of radiant happiness right now,its beauty just skin deep..I want to laugh from my heart,but everytime i try to,i feel like sobbing my heart out..why is it like that?why am i the only one bound by the shackles of my own helplessness??
why is it just me??
i want to come out of this,i want to climb out of this ravine of helplessness but i need a ladder of hope and the shine of a sign for it..hope so that the urge remains strong and sign so that it leads me in the right direction..
am waiting..
and that is all that i can do now...wait..
i hope not till the eternity..
bye for now..
al tell you when my wait's over,
love you,
Lhs..
PS-nope its not me..:-)
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